As another school year begins, many parents find themselves asking an important question:

"Is this the right school?" whether it's a preschool or a university...

Sometimes that question is about academics.

Sometimes it's about finding the right teacher or classes, the right support services, or the right peers. Other times, parents wonder whether moving to a different school—or even a different community—might give their child a better chance to thrive.

These are thoughtful questions. School is an important part of a child's life.

But, I've come to believe there's an even bigger question worth asking.

How can we thoughtfully build a collection of experiences that helps our child grow over time?

It's natural to think of school as the primary place where development happens.

But children don't develop in only one place.

They develop across the many environments they experience every week.

Home teaches emotional safety, routines, values, and family relationships.

School provides opportunities to learn, solve problems, collaborate, and persist through challenges.

Sports, music, theater, scouting, church, volunteer work, clubs, and part-time jobs each ask children to develop different skills.

Speech, occupational, physical, or behavioral health therapies can strengthen specific areas of development while helping children better understand themselves.

Even grandparents, neighbors, coaches, and trusted family friends become part of the developmental picture.

Each environment asks the brain to adapt in different ways. Each offers opportunities to practice new skills. Each contributes another thread to your child's development.

No single environment develops everything. And no single environment determines your child's future.

For children with CHD, this broader perspective can be especially important. Medical appointments, hospitalizations, neurodevelopmental differences, anxiety, or executive functioning challenges may influence how a child functions in one setting compared to another. A child who struggles in a school may shine during robotics club. A quiet student at school may be an enthusiastic leader at church or while volunteering. Another child may feel most confident with cousins, a favorite coach, or a trusted therapist.

Those differences aren't contradictions.

They're valuable information about the context that helps your child learn, connect, and succeed.

For parents and caregivers:

• Try to observe your child across different settings rather than judging development based on one environment.

• Ask yourself, "Where does my child seem most engaged? Most confident? Most supported?" Am I nurturing those areas?

• Look for patterns across environments. They often reveal your child's strengths, challenges, and support needs more clearly than any single experience. Do you find yourself worrying about something that is isolated? Or do you see patterns that highlight needs, and where can you start a conversation to promote change?

• Remember that healthy development often comes from experiencing different expectations, different people, and different opportunities to adapt.

Parents naturally want to make the "right" decisions.

The right school.

The right teacher.

The right neighborhood.

The right therapist.

The right activities.

It's easy to feel as though one decision could determine your child's future.

But think of your child's life as a tapestry.

Every relationship, experience, success, disappointment, challenge, and opportunity adds another thread.

Some threads are bold and obvious.

Others seem almost invisible at the time.

Years later, many of those quieter experiences become part of the strength, confidence, compassion, and resilience your child carries with them.

This doesn't mean every environment is equally healthy. Sometimes a school, activity, or relationship truly isn't a good fit, and thoughtful changes are important.

But rather than asking, "Is this the right _________ for my child?", it may be more helpful to ask:

"Is this one of several places where my child has opportunities to grow?"

That question may bring a different kind of peace and perspective.

For parents and caregivers:

• Give yourself permission to think about your child's development as a journey rather than a series of high-stakes decisions.

• "Critical windows" may narrow but they are not closed. A child or teen is continuously growing and adapting. And you are growing alongside them.

• Embrace and reinforce the relationships that foster positive development.

• If one environment isn't working, remember that changing course is part of responsive parenting.

One question worth reflecting on this month is: 

"What collection of people and experiences is helping my child become the person they're growing into?"

Notes About the Newsletter: Each month’s newsletter highlights a few themes that commonly come up for families raising children with CHD. As your child grows and circumstances change, different topics may feel more or less relevant over time.

This newsletter is for educational purposes only and does not replace individualized medical or behavioral health care. For urgent concerns, contact your care team.